CHURCH ORGANIZATION (Part 4) Men the Leaders
Christ is the head of the church (Col. 1:18). He has all authority and power (Matt. 28:18). Christ ordained that elders were to oversee and shepherd churches (Acts 20:28). Each congregation is responsible for appointing the men that meet the Lord’s qualifications, and those elders rule over the church where they reside; each church has their own set of elders ideally (Titus 1:5-9). The deacons are appointed to be servants to the church as appointed by the church leadership if they meet the Lord’s requirements for the office (1 Tim. 3:8-13). Christ is the head, elders are the overseers, and the deacons are the servants. However, there can be no elders or deacons if men don’t learn how to be leaders in the home and the church first.
How Are Men To Learn Leadership?
Christ commanded that men first learn leadership in the home before they take on the leadership in the church. God stated, “For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?” (1 Tim. 3:5). God implies that a man must first grow as a leader in the home. In the home, a man learns what it is to be a leader.
God put something into man that gave him a great potential to lead. Christ made man to be His apostles, His elders and His deacons. He made them the leader of the family and church. As such, men and fathers need to be aware of this role and be willing to fulfill this role. God gave man the responsibility to be head of his house, and with this charge falls great accountability.
There should be no debate on whether or not this concept is biblical.
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Genesis 3:16
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:24
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
Colossians 3:18
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
1 Peter 3:1
In 1 Corinthians 11:3-5, not only does God make the leadership of men clear, but Paul mandates that Christians embrace cultural customs that reflect men’s role in the house as head of the family.
The modern American culture discourages the traditional view of the man as the head and leader of his family. It is not uncommon to find stories online that villainize young men who take up headship in their home. The idea that husbands and wives are equal in authority in the home sounds good to the contemporary mind. However, God stated, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body” (Eph. 5:22-23). The idea of headship has often led to much debate, but what does God mean when He commands that men are to be “the head of the wife”?
Does God command that husbands are to be the head of the house and are therefore to force their wives to submit to everything they say? No. God does not and has never taught that men are to force their wives to submit. Does God expect wives to submit by their own free-will to their husbands as heads of the house? Yes. Whose decision and choice is it for the wife to submit? The wife chooses and not the husband. Just as Jesus gives humanity a choice to submit to Him, so is the same choice given to the wife. God makes a parallel to the marriage relationship and Christ’s relationship to the church. When a wife submits, she is submitting to a husband who is commanded by Christ to love her by cherishing her and nourishing her (Eph. 5:28-29). Husbands have no right to abuse or neglect in any way.
What Does It Mean To Be “The Head”?
The key to understanding headship is in Ephesians 5:22-24.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:22-24
Paul compares the headship of the husband with the headship of Christ to the church. Paul uses Christ and the church as a form of teaching headship to the man of the house. So, Christians should follow that same pattern. When they ask the question, “How is a man to be the head of the family in this respect?” Ask in parallel, “How is Christ the head of the church in this respect?” – I have often used this as a way to understand headship and most of the time this methods provides a clear understanding of headship in a much better way than just guessing or asking what the majority of men do?
Man has three main responsibilities as does Christ to the church: Providing, Deciding and Leading. When a man learns these roles and how to balance them, which is no easy task, then he is ready for leadership over the church. The husband shows himself to be ready for leadership in the office of either the elder or deacon by representing himself through His family.
PROVIDING
Christ provides for the physical needs of the church, so should the husband provide for the physical needs of his family.
Christ established the church to take care of the Christians’ physical/earthly needs. Christ doesn’t have to directly do it, as long as it gets done, then Christ has done what he promised (Matthew 6:25, 31-33; Acts 2:44-46; 1 Cor. 16:1-3). Christ is not going to put money in anyone’s bank account. He not going to make manna fall from heaven. As head of the church, Christ made sure that His followers had their earthly needs met.
As such, husband are to follow this example in headship over the family (1 Tim. 5:8 – In context, God is talking about physical needs). Does this mean that he has to make the most money or be in charge of all the finances? No. Such thinking stems from misconceptions in our culture. Christians observe business women in the Bible who support their family financially (such as Lydia and Priscilla). Sometimes it means supporting your wife so she can keep that good job that provides for the family’s physical needs. Maybe she is better at keeping books than the husband is, nothing wrong with letting her do it. However, if she losses her job or makes a mistake in the books, the husband does not look to her and say, “What are you going to do about it?” Rather the question is, “What are you [the husband], as head of the family, going to do about it?” The husband should never blame the wife for the responsibility he put on her.
When the family’s physical needs fall in jeopardy, it falls to the head of the family to deal with it. At least delegate to extended family or the church for help. If something terrible were to happen to the husband, who would step up and help the family? The husband is responsible for that answer.
Likewise Christ provides for the spiritual needs of the church, so should the husband provide for the spiritual needs of his household.
We can go anywhere in the Bible and see that Christ provides for the spiritual needs of the church (Heb. 9:15). Likewise, there are plenty of verses that show men are responsible for being spiritual leaders in their home (Titus 2:6-8; Eph. 4:6). This doesn’t mean that the husbands have to be the person who knows the most about the Bible in the home. Sometimes the people in charge don’t always know as much about the Bible as those under them. Even if the wife knows more about the Bible than the husband, he is still responsible for leading his family in prayer, Bible study, and worship service. He is responsible for making sure his family has all those things.
If it means sacrificing a fishing weekend to lead his family to church, DO IT! If it means sacrificing extra hours at work for overpay to lead his family in church ministry, DO IT! He is responsible for making sure his family is spiritually fed. Not only that, but he is also responsible for making sure that what they are being fed is biblically sound. The family needs to see the husband and father taking on spiritual leadership roles in the family and in the church. If his family is not spiritually fed or not fed with sound doctrine, guess who God is going to look at? – The head of the family!
Furthermore, Christ provides emotional support to His church; thus, the husband is responsible for the same provision in the family.
Christ provides a number of emotional outlets for His followers. Christ provides prayer (Phil. 4:6-7). Christ provides the Holy Spirit (John 14:17-18). Christ sent the Spirit in His stead who then gave the church the Words of Life to comfort them (John 14:23-25). Christ provides a church family (Heb. 10:24-25). He gave His church loving brethren to love and exhort them.
There are many verses that talk about the husband loving his wife and children, implying emotional support to his family. The Head of the house is responsible for putting love in the home as Christ put love into His church (Col. 3:19; Eph. 5:28-29, 33; Eccl. 9:9; Prov. 5:18-19; 1 Peter 3:7).
Just as Christ listens in prayer, so must husbands and fathers listen to their family. Sometimes they just need to vent, sometimes they have had a bad day and need someone to listen to them. Be there to listen (Prov. 4:20,21). A wise man learns to listen.
Just as Christ comforts the church through the Words of the Spirit, so also should the father and the husbands comfort their families with their words (1 Thess. 2:11). The husband’s words as head of the family should comfort, instruct, charge, rather than provoke unto hate and discouragement. He should use his words to emotionally support his family, he shouldn’t use his words to tear them down.
As Christ gave us good people to be around in the church, so also we should give our family good people to be around (1 Cor. 15:33). The husband should make a good effort to bring good people into the lives of his family. He needs to strive to keep them away from those who would do them harm, which is why he should bring them around the church.
DECIDING
Christ set the standard for right and wrong in His church, so should the husband establish the standard of right and wrong in his family.
Christ taught that His Word from God would be their standard of righteousness (John 17:17). Christians cannot go beyond the words of God in their binding of doctrine and teachings (1 Cor. 4:6; 1 Peter 4:11). Paul further explains that Christians will and can disagree on things, but ultimately, each one must live whatever they do on the standard of God’s law (Rom. 14:6-7). Christians must be a reflection of Christ.
Being the head of a family requires that he sets the standard in how his family will live and strive (Josh. 24:15 – This is a quality headship in the home). In the Christian home, the standard of right and wrong should always be the Word of God (Col. 3:17). The husband should lead his family to the authority of Scripture (2 Tim. 3:16-17). Headship is to build your house on the rock that is Christ (Matt. 7:26-27; 1 Cor. 3:11).
When the wife disagrees with the husband, he doesn’t snap at her and demand that she conform to his way of thinking because he is the head of the household. While it might be easier to use force to make someone do their will, this is not setting the Bible as the standard of authority in the home. As long as the couple is using the Bible and using God as their standard for how they work together to find common ground and unity, then the husband has done his job. – God’s word is the standard for how we work together and decide what is right and wrong.
Christ didn’t always like doing what He had to do, but He stepped-up and made the sacrifice. Consider when Christ prayed in the garden of Gethsemane on the night of the crucifixion.
Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me. And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt
Matthew 26:38-39
Christ’s decision to follow the plan of God led Him through some difficult sacrifices, but as head of the church, He did it for those He loved.
As head of the house, putting God first may lead to some difficult sacrifices, but this is his job. He may have to punish his children and they may say terrible things against him (2 Sam. 7:14; Heb. 12:6-7). He may have to take a stand against those in his own house as Christ said, “…a man’s foes shall be they of his own household” (Matt. 10:36).
Christ delegated work and decision-making to those in the church. Headship doesn’t mean micromanaging. Headship doesn’t mean that others in the house can’t make decisions without him (Eph. 4:11-12). The day-to-day managing of the church was to the discretion of the eldership within the church (Acts 20:28; Acts 6:1-4). The day-to-day managing of the home is to discretion of those dealing with the situation in the moment. However, major decisions that affect doctrine and the structure of the church was to be consulted through the Word of God. Likewise, major decisions in the home that affect the lifestyle and routines of those in the house needs to be consulted through the head of the house.
Why are the ultimate decisions of home up to the head of the house? Those who have a position of greater authority will have the greater condemnation (Jams 3:1). If the house is not a godly home, God will ultimately put the blame on the head of the house. Consider Romans 5:12: “Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned.” [vs. 14] “Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over them that had not sinned after the similitude of Adam’s transgression, who is the figure of him that was to come.” Eve technically took that first bite and let sin into the world, but who does God ultimate blame? Adam was the head of Eve (Gen. 2:21-25). Those two in their marriage, constituted a household. When the household fell, Adam was ultimately blamed.
LEADING
Christ leads the church and is an example of leadership that He wants to see in the church, so must the husband be the leaders of the household and be an example of leadership.
Jesus didn’t just lord over people and tell them what to do while refusing to get His hands dirty. He led them by showing them through His personal example how to follow God (Matt. 16:24; Heb. 4:15; Phil. 2:7-10). He never asked us to do those things that He Himself was unwilling to do. If husbands are to be the head of a godly family, then they must learn humility and learn to be a servant. Men must not ask their families to make sacrifices that they are unwilling to make first.
Being the head means examining ourselves before looking to others. We cannot point out all the flaws with the others in our house without first looking to ourselves (Matt. 7:3-5). This is why Christ came down so hard on the Pharisees. Jesus saw their hypocrisy. The Pharisees made a big show of piety in public but behind closed doors they were terrible people. Men need to be the same leader behind closed doors with their families as they are in the public eye. A man’s family will not follow him, nor his children if they see him live a hypocritical life.
Ultimately…
A man must learn to balance church life, personal spiritual life, marriage, kids, work, recreational fun, and leadership. This life of balancing calls for a man of high moral character and resolve. Such a balance cannot be done by the weak. Such a balance requires a strong man who is able to sacrifice, learn, and be humble.